#Abandoned but not alone
I wonder sometimes if you’re happy with your decision. To just up and leave. I wonder if you think of us. Or at least her. I wonder if you have a conscience at all or is your heart made of stone. Or you blinded by your own selfishness. Or, just too damn cruel to give a shit. I look at our daughter and she’s so much like you. How could you not want to see her after all you’ve said? Maybe they were all lies. Just empty words instead. I think of all the hard times we’ve faced. And how easier it would have been if you stuck around and did your share. But I’m not mad cause this road has taught me some important life lessons. People aren’t always what they say. Life sucks. It’s downright messy. You’re going to fall and fall so damn hard. Sometimes you’ll be down and have no clue how to get up. You’ll try and try and nothing will work. Then one day God will give you a break. You’ll find the strength you didn’t know existed. You’ll be judged, looked down upon. Isolated, feel less than. You’ll have hungry days and lonely nights. Days of the Great Depression. But you’ll also have some unexpected moments of pure bliss. Your kid will surprise you in so many ways. They will love you like you never or expected and it will all make sense. How can you leave us? That I can never answer. But that road my friend is for you alone. I’ve chosen mine and so have you. Mine is tough and yours might be too. Are you happy? No doubt you are. I am too and so is she. And that’s all that truly matters. All the rest is just life lessons and learning experiences. Maybe one day we get to meet up and talk about the different paths we walked. Until then I won’t waste another minute on what ifs.
Sometimes we worry more about our Christian image than we do people. We don’t want to talk to that person because they look, talk, and believe different than you. They don’t dress the same. They may cuss a little. And we act as though we will be unequally yolked if we associate with them. Let me clear something up. Jesus had to be unequally yolked to save us. Don’t you ever forget where you were when the grace found you. Not everyone that needs to hear the word will be found in the church or a bible study meeting. They will be in the club, they will be on the corner. They will cuss. They will look differently and that’s ok. Jesus died for ALL of us. And this doesn’t give us a free pass to go around condemning people and telling them what we think they ought to do and believe. We are called to love them. You let the Holy Spirit do the conviction. Pray, love, carry on.
That relationship you thought would last is now over. That career you worked so hard for, not as rewarding as you’d hoped. That child you’ve been praying for still haven’t shown up. You’re all prayed out and the bills keep piling. No more tears, but they still keep flowing. You worry and you pray, but nothing hasn’t changed. Is this the end? Where do you go? What do you do? What now? Now that it’s all collapsed. Now that your biggest fear is your reality. I don’t have the answers, but there’s one thing I can guarantee you. Take a deep breathe and know it’ll be ok. You’ll be ok. Doesn’t seem like it now, but I PROMISE you that nasty storm will pass. Will it be quick? Probably not. It can rage on for years. It will get brutal, to say the least. If you think you’re done yet just you wait. And I know, I know… I’m not supposed to be saying this. You’re not here for this. But let you tell you something, sweetheart. Someone got to tell you. I wish I had known that earlier myself. I would have had strength, courage, and way more hope in my stormy time. But listen, the fact that you’re here reading this far means you’ve still got some fight left inside of you. It’s not over yet. It’s not too late. You’re still fighting. You still got hope, courage, strength. All the things you’ll need to keep on going. And that right there is what will determine what you’ll make of this. I can tell you all the stuff you want to hear. Things you’re searching for. But the truth is none of that will prepare you for what is to come. You don’t get strong by hearing fluffy words. And fighting with pillows. You get strong by being knocked out, beat on, forgotten, but still have enough in you to get back up and keep trying. You better toughen up and wipe your nose. Cry, kick, scream, but GET UP!! Yes, life took a turn for the worse. You did not see it coming, but it’s okay. You got this. You’ll win, you will see it through my friend. Now what? I’ll tell you. Now you fight. Fight hard. Now you change, now you try. Now you do! There is a song I like to listen called “conqueror” and the lyrics in it that I cling to says:
“Got a vision that no one else sees
Lot of dirty work, roll up your sleeves
Remember there’s a war out there
So come prepared to fight!“
Let those words season in your spirit and you start fighting! Chin up! You’ll be alright.
Comfort zones are not our friends. Success is not a destination. We must get up everyday with the drive and self determination to make each day better than before. Progress is constant. Don’t ever let yourself get to a place where you feel relax enough to stop working hard and trying to improve. That is where you will go wrong! Life is ever changing and we must always be ready to adapt and grow no matter what. Stay focus. Stay ready!