What if??

Do you know what it’s like to have a song on replay for days at a time because the lyrics resonate so deep in your soul? Or trying to convince yourself that’s it’s no longer worth the pain to put yourself out there. To believe that not everyone was not meant to find someone. Mmmm well, what if they weren’t? What if I tell you that not everyone will find someone? What if I tell you that the only person you truly need is yourself and self-love is the purest and most desired? Sounds cliche I know. But really it is as simple and straight forward as that. The sad part is, only a few have truly grasped the concept of self-love. Only some find real happiness in spending quality time trying to figure out who they truly are. And not very many know what they really want or is bold enough to demand or seek it. Just think how different the world would be if women were less self-conscious and men weren’t expected to show real genuine emotions. If gender roles, stereotypes and double standards were nothing but a thing of the past. If society didn’t try to sell us on what exactly an appropriate and happy lifestyle is. Now I’m not saying we don’t need general rules like stop light and brakes. Don’t get too crazy now. I’m saying if people weren’t sold into these lies and illusions about how to live THIER lives then the world would be a much better place.

The singletons

”Be patient. It’ll come. Just you wait and see.” So they all say. Or my favorite cliché of all “you know when you know” I won’t even begin to unpack how unsettling and far off that is. Not today anyway. But I’m curious though. What if it never comes. At least not the way we expect. Let me be bias here for a second just to say I wholeheartedly believe that some people are here on this earth to be alone. Scientifically speaking, there’s not even women to men ratio for everyone to be equally matched anyways. And that’s okay. For not everyone wants to be. Believe it or not some people are happy to be single. And no, they are not always lonely. Being alone and being lonely are two different things. If you don’t believe go check your dear friend google. And here’s another shocker. Some very successful people were alone. Sir Issac Newton, Florence Nightingale, Nikola Tesla, and even our beloved Oprah just to name a few. These people are brilliant. I could name a couple more or list you all the benefits of being alone, but that’s a blog for another day. My point is don’t assume that people who are single are unhappy. Or missing out. Some may be, but the others are just fine.
Love in itself is hard to explain and impossible to quantify. Love means different things to different people. It can be experienced in so many different ways. Reading a book, listening to your favorite song, or taking a hike. Whatever it is that gets your blood pumping and stops your mind from wandering too far. Some get butterflies, some get a spark, some get indigestion. Lol. Whoops!
We place far too much emphasis on romantic situations and not nearly enough on what feeds our souls, drives our passion, and give us complete satisfaction. Yes, it’s great to have life partners, friends, families, etc. But love is not one size fits all. And I believe the universe gives us the love we need that best suits us. Some people crave family and stability because they never experienced that as a child. Some want a big family because they grew up in one and enjoyed it greatly. While others may choose to not have children for many different reasons. And that’s ok too. Whatever the path we choose love can be found in all of it. As long as we bare in mind that life is tricky. Not everything in our lives is forever. Our loved ones may die. Families can sometimes fall apart. And dreams sometimes fall short. That’s life. That’s why we must cherish every moment as if it’s our last because it very well might be. And don’t rush into things. Enjoy however long the universe allows us to have something without all the pressure and heavy expectations. Look at it with the eyes of admiration and bliss. And nothing less. And to those who just don’t know where you fit into all this just know not knowing doesn’t mean something is wrong. It means you still have time to figure it out. To search. To wonder, to question.
If beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, so can love. If you love that job then keep doing it. Love that car? Take care if it. Love having children? Long as you taking care of them it’s fine. Nobody’s business but your own. Just don’t lose focus and don’t compare. Don’t feel intimated by the pressure around you. You don’t need someone to make you happy. Or to feel complete. Because that which you think you are lacking can only be fulfilled by you. If someone does make you happy and whole it’s because you let them. You accepted whatever love they offered. And you can do the same on your own. So, to the lady that doesn’t want kids, it’s ok. To the man in no rush to settle down, that’s cool. And to the young adult who hasn’t yet figured it out, don’t worry about it. And to you, the older version of me. With the life plans ready to go, I see you. I get it. And that’s cool too. Live your life on your own terms. Love to your heart’s content. Whether it’s a dog, a motorcycle, or a food that you just can’t get enough of. No shame. Enjoy it. Embrace it. Own it. Like Ruben Studdard said “who can deny the joy it brings, when you find that special thing. You’re flying without wings”.
Take care. Love hard

Confessions of a single mom

#Him

#Abandoned but not alone

I wonder sometimes if you’re happy with your decision. To just up and leave. I wonder if you think of us. Or at least her. I wonder if you have a conscience at all or is your heart made of stone. Or you blinded by your own selfishness. Or, just too damn cruel to give a shit. I look at our daughter and she’s so much like you. How could you not want to see her after all you’ve said? Maybe they were all lies. Just empty words instead. I think of all the hard times we’ve faced. And how easier it would have been if you stuck around and did your share. But I’m not mad cause this road has taught me some important life lessons. People aren’t always what they say. Life sucks. It’s downright messy. You’re going to fall and fall so damn hard. Sometimes you’ll be down and have no clue how to get up. You’ll try and try and nothing will work. Then one day God will give you a break. You’ll find the strength you didn’t know existed. You’ll be judged, looked down upon. Isolated, feel less than. You’ll have hungry days and lonely nights. Days of the Great Depression. But you’ll also have some unexpected moments of pure bliss. Your kid will surprise you in so many ways. They will love you like you never or expected and it will all make sense. How can you leave us? That I can never answer. But that road my friend is for you alone. I’ve chosen mine and so have you. Mine is tough and yours might be too. Are you happy? No doubt you are. I am too and so is she. And that’s all that truly matters. All the rest is just life lessons and learning experiences. Maybe one day we get to meet up and talk about the different paths we walked. Until then I won’t waste another minute on what ifs.

The real deal

Being me is not all it’s cracked up to be. I tell jokes. I cheer people up. I listen and give advise when it’s needed and I always try to be a shoulder in the time of need. My mental strength is truly amazing. My perspective is one like no other. I’m open minded as I can be and my resilience is so strong that it sometimes scares me. It scares me because sometimes I won’t ask for help. I’ll do it all myself because somehow I’ve trained my mind to think that being strong means being there for others and not having others be there for me. I tell people it’s ok to cry and let your emotions run wild for a while but whenever I try I have the hardest time. I listen to stories and I never dare try to judge because I try to put myself in each situation. But do I dare share mine? Of course not! If I show people I’m human and I too need to breathe will they trust that I’m strong enough to help with their needs? Is it ok to put my guards down? Show my scars and tell them I bleed? Or is that too much for them to receive?

Strong people are humans too. And often times are the ones who hurt the most. They are there for everyone except the person that needs it the most, themselves. So, to all you warriors out there fighting for others to feel love, safe, and at ease. I beg you to take sometime to cater to your own needs. Get an outlet to channel all your emotions, passion and dream. Being strong doesn’t mean you can never be weak. It’s ok to have doubts, to fall down, and to need a hand. In this thing called life we all will need someone to confide in, to hold us and tell us just to be. And if they judge you for it then that’s ok. It’s a reflection of them and what they really lack, sincerity, honesty, and just being real. The world needs more authenticity and genuine hearts. We have enough fake ones that make things really hard. Be who you are and be proud and strong. Own your right to be strong, but never deny yourself the opportunity to break. Because when you break you can recreated something bigger, better, and way more beautiful than you could ever imagine. Be brave, be proud, be strong, be human! Be you!!

Suicidal note..

“If you are feeling suicidal please reach out for help” the biggest lie we ever say. People who are suicidal are not going to reach out for help. They’ve reached out countless times before they got to that part. But this cruel cruel world just turns their backs. The love they give and people they’ve helped are nowhere to be found when they need it in return. “Check on your strong friends” we quote so cleverly. But are we actually doing it? Can you tell if your friend is acting off? Do you follow your intuition as they do theirs when to come to your rescue? Suicidal thoughts are fast and strong. Your emotions are numb and your heart has already stopped beating. There’s nothing but overwhelming pain that you want to end. It doesn’t matter how or by whom. You would pay someone to do it if you could. How can you reach out when you don’t want to talk? When you can’t find the words to express the million fake questions that will be thrown at you. And why bother explaining when they won’t even understand. Sometimes death seems so much better than being hurt over and over till you have no more ache to ache.

Mental health is a crucial part of what makes us whole. And often times so many of us take it for granted, but for some, we aren’t so lucky. We struggle on the daily. We try really hard, but it just never seems like it’s enough. More and more we hear about celebrities who just couldn’t go on any further and we think for a little bit “maybe this is really bad”. But.. instead of doing another hashtag how about making an active difference to do some reading. To call or visit a friend, to take the time to really check in on someone. Sometimes that can make all the difference. And for those who are suffering, I feel you. I’ve been you. I love you, and I care! You are amazing, wonderful, and your life is worthy!!!