Men…

I got the most interesting email yesterday that stated:” men need advice too.” Fellas, this one is for you.

First off, love your women. LOVE and adore them! Give them no room to even the second guess how you feel. Shower them in adoration. If you want her to respect you. To treat you like a king. To support you. You must first do the same to her. Men are meant to lead and protect their families. So if your women are not following, if she’s not looking at you like you are a snack then you are doing something wrong. And let me tell you a secret. Women not only love it when you look and dress good, but they also love it when you talk like a mature man. They love it when you lead and take charge in a way that makes sense. I know many of your lives have been so different. But you have a different person now and you cannot love and treat all women the same. Each is different. They are all attracted to different things, but a man with a mature appeal that cares and adores his woman never goes out of style.

Listen to her daily. Do little things to show her you care. Rub her feet, make her dinner, watch a chic flic with her. Simple things send a big message. That’s how her affection grows, her security, her respect for you. It sounds simple enough because it is. Don’t believe me? Try it for yourself. I promise you it’s a game-changer.

Take it from a woman. And check out these lyrics below!

“Let me let you in on a secret

How to treat a woman right

If you’re lookin’ for a place in her heart

It ain’t gonna happen overnight

First, you gotta learn to listen

To understand her deepest thoughts

She needs to know you can be friends

Before she’ll give you all she’s got

If you start from the heart

You’ll see love is gonna play its part

If you want to get to know her

Really get inside her mind

If you want to move in closer

Take it slow, yeah take your time

You must start from the heart and then

If you want to touch her

Really want to touch her

If you want to touch her, ask

A little physical attraction

Romantic, old-fashioned charm

And a lot of love and tenderness

Is gonna get you into her arms”

If You Wanna Touch Her, Ask!

Song by Shania Twain

Strength

Strength is such a misunderstood word. When we hear that word we think unbreakable, but to me, strength means something else. You can cry and still be strong. You can ask for help and still be strong. You can take a minute to let yourself fall apart and STILL be strong. In fact, I believe all those things are what make us stronger. Sometimes the things or the way we do things are no longer beneficial to us and it’s ok to acknowledge and change that. It’s ok to ask for help. It’s ok to not know. It’s ok to not have it all figured out. Strength comes in many forms. And doing the things that don’t necessarily seem strong in other’s eyes are the very things that make you stronger and better in your own life.

So, today if you need a little more strength look deep within and I bet you’ll realize that you are way stronger than you thought you were. Happy hump day beautiful people. Only 2 workdays to go! ✊🏽💪🏼

Don’t give up!

I stood in the kitchen fixing my morning breakfast and suddenly the words to this song that I LOVE popped up in my mind. For those who don’t know me, music speaks volumes to my soul. Its how I get my inspiration. If you ever want to know what mood I’m in just pay attention to what I’m listening to. Anyways, as the lyrics play out in my mind my purpose instantly became clear. Now I don’t know about anybody else.. but as for me. I’ve already decided that 2020 is going to be my year. Radical changes are going to happen in MY life because I plan on making them happen. I had some plans that I’ve already started working on in 2019 that I’m planning on finishing in 2020. I call it vision 2020 🙌🏾😍
The reason I’m so hyped about this song is this. I’ve been trying to rearrange some stuff around to fit my dreams into my life. Because it came clear to be in 2019 that I have to be the one to create the life I want to live. And as a woman, a mother, an employee, and now a wife. My roles and responsibilities are tremendously high. And it can be hard at times to keep those dreams alive and act on them. However, I’ve decided that this year I’m going to make time to have my dreams come to life. Because my dreams are not just about me. They are about my daughter, my nieces, my nephews, my sisters, my friends, and everyone who I come in contact with. They are a legacy waiting to be birth. And it’s time I birth them. This post isn’t me bragging about my plans. This post is me challenging EVERYONE reading this to do the same. BIRTH your dreams. Make time to fulfill your calling. You never know who might be watching you and following in your footsteps. Make 2020 be YOUR vision year also!!! You can do it!!! Go back to school, lose the weight, start that new job, open your business, write a book. Whatever plans you had on the back burner, bring them forward, Now!!!! 🗣🗣🗣
Now I’m going to tag some of my go-getters. And y’all can tag your go-getters. Let’s end 2019 with lots of hope and let’s own 2020!!
Before I go let me share these lyrics with y’all cause I feel like they the bomb. Enjoy! And be blessed!! 🤗
“Visions that can change the world
Trapped inside an ordinary girl
She looks just like me
Too afraid to dream out loud
… And though it’s set for your idea
It won’t make sense to everybody
You need courage now
If you’re going to persevere
… To fulfill your divine purpose
You’ve gotta answer when you’re called
So don’t be afraid to face the world
Against all odds
… Keep the dream alive don’t let it die if something deep inside
Keeps inspiring you to try, don’t stop
And never give up; don’t ever give up on you
Don’t give up”
Yolanda Adams never_give_up✊🏽

Hold up ✋🏽 wait a minute 🚫

Excuse me let me brag a minute on God!!! for about a year now I’ve been STRUGGLING at my job. And I mean STRUGGLE. Don’t get me wrong, I do what I need to do and I’m pretty good at my job. At least so I’ve been told. However, I don’t FEEEL IT! A little background on me. I do stuff from the heart. If it’s not fulfilling to my soul and my spirit I don’t care to do it. Anyways, I found myself in the field that I am in through God! And I say this because I would have not given it a second thought. I had a one-track mind to Clinical Psychology until God gave me a detour. More on that another time. Anyways, my first year in this field, ABA, was good. And for those who don’t know what ABA means it means Applied Behavior Analysis. I do one on one therapy sessions with children on the Autism spectrum. This means I deal with a lot of maladaptive or problematic behaviors that impede learning or everyday task. I deal with things like kicking, screaming, spitting, biting, headbanging, etc on a daily basis. And if you have never dealt with any of this, let me be the first to tell you it can be physically and emotionally exhausting.

Currently, I’m two years in approaching the 3rd and I’ve been completely checked out. I’ve been doing it and doing a good job. But have not been FEELING it! The joy and spark I once had id now gone. My heart has not been in it. And if there is one thing I pride myself on is fulfillment. If my heart is not involved then my passion and drive to do something is non existent. I have lost my sense of purpose and have been on cruise control this entire year. I have been experiencing quite a bit of turbulence but it never occurred to me to pull over and check the engine light of my heart until now. And had I not pull over I would have never realized I was running on E this entire time. Luckily for me, Jesus himself was at my pit stop and gave me a beautiful reminder of just how great and wonderful he is. And no matter how far we drift he is ALWAYS willing to meet us wherever and whenever we need him. Let me explain to you just how he showed up and showed out for me.

I was at work in my office with my morning client. He seems to be having a rough day. He’s been having a bit of a rough time for a couple of weeks now and my supervisor and I have been brainstorming ideas back and forth on how best to handle this. Today out of nowhere my perspective just SHIFTED. Ideas started to flow to me. My anxiety about the situation became so light to the point of nonexistent. I looked out my office window at the sky and allowed the brightness of it to radiate in my soul. And that’s when I realize that I haven’t just checked out in my job. But I checked out in every area of my life.

See, a year ago I started this journey. It’s titled “my year off from God” bold uh? Yeah. And before you start to judge let me just stop you and tell you this. It is MY journey. I had questions and I needed answers. Often times we have doubts and questions and are too afraid to find out. Well, I wanted to really test my faith so I decided to live life a year without totally depending on God and see what would happen. As a result, I prayed less, seldom read my bible and attend church. My relationship with him was not as strong. And life taught me all the lessons it wanted to. Want to know what I found out? That my joy, my happiness, my strength, my resilience, and my peace ALL comes from HIM. I am ABSOLUTELY NOTHING without his grace and mercy. The peace that surpasses all understanding only comes when I’m close to him. And when I am not I am nothing but an ordinary girl. And not a nice one at that. I was grumpy, I was mean and selfish. But with him, I am so much more. I am considerate, gentle, kind, loving, and pleasant to be around.

As I stood in my office. I started to look at my client differently. My mindset instantly shifted from ”listen to me and do as I say” to ”how best can I help you understand?” I was suddenly more patient and understanding. And I remembered the reason I stayed in this field is to help others the way he’s been helping me. To extend the same grace, love, forgiveness, patience, and compassion he was giving me all these years. My gratitude immediately returned. I felt blessed to be able to influence and change the lives of these individuals I came across. I felt like a vessel once again. And that’s when I knew my year off was completed.

Back track to few weeks when I had started praying and reading my Bible. And it was a little under two days ago I woke up with a task. I felt burdened. I got up and I prayed. I prayed for the things that were on my heart at the time. And I also prayed for things I knew not about. That prayer allowed him to fix all the things I never thought to think about like my job, my clients, my ways, my perspective. And that is the kind of God we serve. He answers your desires and then some. So, today I leave you with this. Trust in him with all YOUR heart and lean NOT to your own understanding because at any given time he might stop by with a grand surprise that will leave you in pure bliss.

Resilient or not??

Resilience. What sets us apart? The great debate between nature vs nature has summed it all up under two umbrellas. But… what if there are factors we have yet to consider? Factors that should not be summed up as one but explored as individual factors. Factors such as beliefs, mindset, and willpower. Maybe it’s not a nature vs nature debate. Maybe, it’s factors, age, maturity, and perspective. Maybe it’s what we want and how hard we are willing to fight for it. Maybe we are made differently, obviously. Our DNS’s are different. We experience the world differently. We are raised and taught differently. Our circumstances are different, our reactions are different. They are individualized according to who we are. So why is it that we sum up the most important if questions with just two answers, when the answer itself changes, varies, and is tricky. Are we taught resilience? Do we grow into it? Are we born predisposed? Absolutely! But that’s not enough. Some of us do learn, and some never do. But why? What makes it so hard. Is life more unfair to some? Or is it simply how we see and experience it that shapes the outcome? I believe so. I think mindset and will power are two of the most important qualities needed for resilience. But how do we get them? As we grow. As we experience. As we live. As we do. And coping skills also play a huge part. We learn to cope in different ways. Some people write, some people sing. Some of us smoke, drink, or simply ignore. None of which is right or wrong only said individual can determine what works and what doesn’t. It becomes right or wrong if it’s not working and is actually causing said person more harm than good. Resilience is tricky. And it changes. We may even call it different things. But truth be told, we are all resilient in different ways. Some just find it sooner than others and some have a little more than others according to their circumstances. So, the next time you are feeling a little defeated and you think “man I wish I was as resilient as that person” just look yourself in the eye and say “damn it I am”. You got this! You can overcome and you will. Think back to a time when you were a complete badass and own that feeling. You’ll be just fine, I promise! Dig deep, believe, and get it done. I believe in you!

Master reset

Time. The one thing we can’t seem to get enough of. Yet we never seem to know how to make the most of. Timing, the teaser of it all. It shows up with unexpected things like pain, regret, doubts, and a bunch of what ifs. We never seem to know if we are getting it right or not. We go with the flow as best as we can. Until the flow stops and we are forced to reconsider. To question, to try again. And Dear Ole Time seems to always be the center of it all. Our dreams and life goals are set on a time schedule of when we think we ought to accomplish them. But what when Dear Ole Time says otherwise? Do we scramble around in panic mode? Do we question our worth, our effort, and all our other accomplishments? What if the thing you wanted the most don’t show up when you expected it to? Did Dear Ole Mister Time rob you once more?

The answer is no! Things rarely go accordingly to plan. Life is tricky and it’s constantly changing. As players in this game adaptability will be our greatest friend. We have to learn to let go and stop getting stuck on how we believe things ought to be. We are no master of time, that is not our job. We can set dreams, make goals, and work towards them. But never ever get bent out of shape if they start to change. If the timing is haywire then just try to keep up. Don’t question all you’ve done. You worked extremely hard to get where you are and that was no easy feat. The timing of it all doesn’t seem to pan out accordingly, but that doesn’t mean you have to call it off entirely. Sometimes we just need to take a minute to reset, reevaluate, and reflect on what is to come. Because sometimes Mister Timing has something far more exciting waiting for you. ❤️

What if??

Do you know what it’s like to have a song on replay for days at a time because the lyrics resonate so deep in your soul? Or trying to convince yourself that’s it’s no longer worth the pain to put yourself out there. To believe that not everyone was not meant to find someone. Mmmm well, what if they weren’t? What if I tell you that not everyone will find someone? What if I tell you that the only person you truly need is yourself and self-love is the purest and most desired? Sounds cliche I know. But really it is as simple and straight forward as that. The sad part is, only a few have truly grasped the concept of self-love. Only some find real happiness in spending quality time trying to figure out who they truly are. And not very many know what they really want or is bold enough to demand or seek it. Just think how different the world would be if women were less self-conscious and men weren’t expected to show real genuine emotions. If gender roles, stereotypes and double standards were nothing but a thing of the past. If society didn’t try to sell us on what exactly an appropriate and happy lifestyle is. Now I’m not saying we don’t need general rules like stop light and brakes. Don’t get too crazy now. I’m saying if people weren’t sold into these lies and illusions about how to live THIER lives then the world would be a much better place.

Race of life

For the last couple of months, I’ve been struggling with something. And I can just now sum it up to this “know the importance of your race”. Know when you need to slow down, speed up, and when to tag off. Notice I said off, not out. This is important. See, what I realize is most of us is running a race. It’s called the race of life. Some are running at a faster pace than others, and that’s cool. They may have started earlier or they have a shorter race. But for me, I believe I’m running a marathon. And not just any marathon. I have teammates. So it’s more like a relay. There are some parts of life where you have to run alone for long periods. This is when you are being tested. Your endurance, your mindset, your very character. Do you want it bad enough to keep going? Then there are times where you can run slow. Things are going at a nice steady pace. You got some cruising time. Traffic seems light and everything is flowing just right. Enjoy these times. They are boosters. Reserve your energy because you will need it for the next round. The round where you have to go faster. Things have picked up and are moving rapidly. Sometimes you feel like you are lost in the shuffle. Everybody seems to have run ahead of you. And you start to wonder about whether or not you can keep up. Keep going. You’ll be just fine. Now, this is the part most don’t talk about. Maybe because we don’t do it often enough, tag off. This is one of the important parts of a race. Whether you are handing off or receiving you have to pay close attention so the battalion doesn’t fall. If it does, you are out plain and simple. So be very careful. After it’s been passed successfully you can breathe. Now that doesn’t mean you stop, because the race isn’t yet over. So what do you do in the meantime? You rest. You rest, and you stay ready. Ready to run again when it gets passed back to you. The people you run your race to play a significant part in your success. They help determine whether you win or you lose so choose wisely. Run your race. Know what you are running towards. Get teammates with the same vision/ focus. Know what part of the race you are in and be ready.

The singletons

”Be patient. It’ll come. Just you wait and see.” So they all say. Or my favorite cliché of all “you know when you know” I won’t even begin to unpack how unsettling and far off that is. Not today anyway. But I’m curious though. What if it never comes. At least not the way we expect. Let me be bias here for a second just to say I wholeheartedly believe that some people are here on this earth to be alone. Scientifically speaking, there’s not even women to men ratio for everyone to be equally matched anyways. And that’s okay. For not everyone wants to be. Believe it or not some people are happy to be single. And no, they are not always lonely. Being alone and being lonely are two different things. If you don’t believe go check your dear friend google. And here’s another shocker. Some very successful people were alone. Sir Issac Newton, Florence Nightingale, Nikola Tesla, and even our beloved Oprah just to name a few. These people are brilliant. I could name a couple more or list you all the benefits of being alone, but that’s a blog for another day. My point is don’t assume that people who are single are unhappy. Or missing out. Some may be, but the others are just fine.
Love in itself is hard to explain and impossible to quantify. Love means different things to different people. It can be experienced in so many different ways. Reading a book, listening to your favorite song, or taking a hike. Whatever it is that gets your blood pumping and stops your mind from wandering too far. Some get butterflies, some get a spark, some get indigestion. Lol. Whoops!
We place far too much emphasis on romantic situations and not nearly enough on what feeds our souls, drives our passion, and give us complete satisfaction. Yes, it’s great to have life partners, friends, families, etc. But love is not one size fits all. And I believe the universe gives us the love we need that best suits us. Some people crave family and stability because they never experienced that as a child. Some want a big family because they grew up in one and enjoyed it greatly. While others may choose to not have children for many different reasons. And that’s ok too. Whatever the path we choose love can be found in all of it. As long as we bare in mind that life is tricky. Not everything in our lives is forever. Our loved ones may die. Families can sometimes fall apart. And dreams sometimes fall short. That’s life. That’s why we must cherish every moment as if it’s our last because it very well might be. And don’t rush into things. Enjoy however long the universe allows us to have something without all the pressure and heavy expectations. Look at it with the eyes of admiration and bliss. And nothing less. And to those who just don’t know where you fit into all this just know not knowing doesn’t mean something is wrong. It means you still have time to figure it out. To search. To wonder, to question.
If beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, so can love. If you love that job then keep doing it. Love that car? Take care if it. Love having children? Long as you taking care of them it’s fine. Nobody’s business but your own. Just don’t lose focus and don’t compare. Don’t feel intimated by the pressure around you. You don’t need someone to make you happy. Or to feel complete. Because that which you think you are lacking can only be fulfilled by you. If someone does make you happy and whole it’s because you let them. You accepted whatever love they offered. And you can do the same on your own. So, to the lady that doesn’t want kids, it’s ok. To the man in no rush to settle down, that’s cool. And to the young adult who hasn’t yet figured it out, don’t worry about it. And to you, the older version of me. With the life plans ready to go, I see you. I get it. And that’s cool too. Live your life on your own terms. Love to your heart’s content. Whether it’s a dog, a motorcycle, or a food that you just can’t get enough of. No shame. Enjoy it. Embrace it. Own it. Like Ruben Studdard said “who can deny the joy it brings, when you find that special thing. You’re flying without wings”.
Take care. Love hard

Confessions of a single mom

#Him

#Abandoned but not alone

I wonder sometimes if you’re happy with your decision. To just up and leave. I wonder if you think of us. Or at least her. I wonder if you have a conscience at all or is your heart made of stone. Or you blinded by your own selfishness. Or, just too damn cruel to give a shit. I look at our daughter and she’s so much like you. How could you not want to see her after all you’ve said? Maybe they were all lies. Just empty words instead. I think of all the hard times we’ve faced. And how easier it would have been if you stuck around and did your share. But I’m not mad cause this road has taught me some important life lessons. People aren’t always what they say. Life sucks. It’s downright messy. You’re going to fall and fall so damn hard. Sometimes you’ll be down and have no clue how to get up. You’ll try and try and nothing will work. Then one day God will give you a break. You’ll find the strength you didn’t know existed. You’ll be judged, looked down upon. Isolated, feel less than. You’ll have hungry days and lonely nights. Days of the Great Depression. But you’ll also have some unexpected moments of pure bliss. Your kid will surprise you in so many ways. They will love you like you never or expected and it will all make sense. How can you leave us? That I can never answer. But that road my friend is for you alone. I’ve chosen mine and so have you. Mine is tough and yours might be too. Are you happy? No doubt you are. I am too and so is she. And that’s all that truly matters. All the rest is just life lessons and learning experiences. Maybe one day we get to meet up and talk about the different paths we walked. Until then I won’t waste another minute on what ifs.