Confessions of a single mom


#Abandoned but not alone

I wonder sometimes if you’re happy with your decision. To just up and leave. I wonder if you think of us. Or at least her. I wonder if you have a conscience at all or is your heart made of stone. Or you blinded by your own selfishness. Or, just too damn cruel to give a shit. I look at our daughter and she’s so much like you. How could you not want to see her after all you’ve said? Maybe they were all lies. Just empty words instead. I think of all the hard times we’ve faced. And how easier it would have been if you stuck around and did your share. But I’m not mad cause this road has taught me some important life lessons. People aren’t always what they say. Life sucks. It’s downright messy. You’re going to fall and fall so damn hard. Sometimes you’ll be down and have no clue how to get up. You’ll try and try and nothing will work. Then one day God will give you a break. You’ll find the strength you didn’t know existed. You’ll be judged, looked down upon. Isolated, feel less than. You’ll have hungry days and lonely nights. Days of the Great Depression. But you’ll also have some unexpected moments of pure bliss. Your kid will surprise you in so many ways. They will love you like you never or expected and it will all make sense. How can you leave us? That I can never answer. But that road my friend is for you alone. I’ve chosen mine and so have you. Mine is tough and yours might be too. Are you happy? No doubt you are. I am too and so is she. And that’s all that truly matters. All the rest is just life lessons and learning experiences. Maybe one day we get to meet up and talk about the different paths we walked. Until then I won’t waste another minute on what ifs.

Life of the party

Sometimes having a good heart can cause you a lot of pain. You win and you lose sometimes in vain. But the hardest battle is letting go of the ones you love. Knowing in your heart there was nothing you could do to prevent it. You’re left with dreams and memories of what was and you wonder to yourself if you are making the right decision. But then this cruel cruel world steps in with its lies, deceit, and black mail. And the wound that was healed is open again. You cry in silence because no one would understand. And the one you long for the most is already gone. All you have now is tiny body of him that you have to nourish, grow, and make sure is kept happy. I guess there’s a tiny bit of hope for everything you lose. Love isn’t always enough but sometimes it’s all you will need.