Men…

I got the most interesting email yesterday that stated:” men need advice too.” Fellas, this one is for you.

First off, love your women. LOVE and adore them! Give them no room to even the second guess how you feel. Shower them in adoration. If you want her to respect you. To treat you like a king. To support you. You must first do the same to her. Men are meant to lead and protect their families. So if your women are not following, if she’s not looking at you like you are a snack then you are doing something wrong. And let me tell you a secret. Women not only love it when you look and dress good, but they also love it when you talk like a mature man. They love it when you lead and take charge in a way that makes sense. I know many of your lives have been so different. But you have a different person now and you cannot love and treat all women the same. Each is different. They are all attracted to different things, but a man with a mature appeal that cares and adores his woman never goes out of style.

Listen to her daily. Do little things to show her you care. Rub her feet, make her dinner, watch a chic flic with her. Simple things send a big message. That’s how her affection grows, her security, her respect for you. It sounds simple enough because it is. Don’t believe me? Try it for yourself. I promise you it’s a game-changer.

Take it from a woman. And check out these lyrics below!

“Let me let you in on a secret

How to treat a woman right

If you’re lookin’ for a place in her heart

It ain’t gonna happen overnight

First, you gotta learn to listen

To understand her deepest thoughts

She needs to know you can be friends

Before she’ll give you all she’s got

If you start from the heart

You’ll see love is gonna play its part

If you want to get to know her

Really get inside her mind

If you want to move in closer

Take it slow, yeah take your time

You must start from the heart and then

If you want to touch her

Really want to touch her

If you want to touch her, ask

A little physical attraction

Romantic, old-fashioned charm

And a lot of love and tenderness

Is gonna get you into her arms”

If You Wanna Touch Her, Ask!

Song by Shania Twain

Peace

Good morning beautiful people. As the holiday draws closer the word anxiety seems to be the list. Anxiety from many different things such as work, travels, providing for our family, health. Etc. Whatever it is that you got you worried try not to stress. Today’s reminder to you all is to peace.

Peace to trust that everything will work out ok. Peace to know you are doing your best in whatever situation you are in and that is enough. An anxious mind and a worried heart bring nothing but frustration and chaos. So, as we set the tone in our households and at work let us first set it in our minds and our hearts by giving ourselves some much-needed peace of mind.

You can’t give what you don’t have and the people we encounter on the daily draw from our energy. Let us radiate nothing but good vibes and positive thoughts. Have a good day y’all. Be blessed and stress less.

Don’t give up!

I stood in the kitchen fixing my morning breakfast and suddenly the words to this song that I LOVE popped up in my mind. For those who don’t know me, music speaks volumes to my soul. Its how I get my inspiration. If you ever want to know what mood I’m in just pay attention to what I’m listening to. Anyways, as the lyrics play out in my mind my purpose instantly became clear. Now I don’t know about anybody else.. but as for me. I’ve already decided that 2020 is going to be my year. Radical changes are going to happen in MY life because I plan on making them happen. I had some plans that I’ve already started working on in 2019 that I’m planning on finishing in 2020. I call it vision 2020 🙌🏾😍
The reason I’m so hyped about this song is this. I’ve been trying to rearrange some stuff around to fit my dreams into my life. Because it came clear to be in 2019 that I have to be the one to create the life I want to live. And as a woman, a mother, an employee, and now a wife. My roles and responsibilities are tremendously high. And it can be hard at times to keep those dreams alive and act on them. However, I’ve decided that this year I’m going to make time to have my dreams come to life. Because my dreams are not just about me. They are about my daughter, my nieces, my nephews, my sisters, my friends, and everyone who I come in contact with. They are a legacy waiting to be birth. And it’s time I birth them. This post isn’t me bragging about my plans. This post is me challenging EVERYONE reading this to do the same. BIRTH your dreams. Make time to fulfill your calling. You never know who might be watching you and following in your footsteps. Make 2020 be YOUR vision year also!!! You can do it!!! Go back to school, lose the weight, start that new job, open your business, write a book. Whatever plans you had on the back burner, bring them forward, Now!!!! 🗣🗣🗣
Now I’m going to tag some of my go-getters. And y’all can tag your go-getters. Let’s end 2019 with lots of hope and let’s own 2020!!
Before I go let me share these lyrics with y’all cause I feel like they the bomb. Enjoy! And be blessed!! 🤗
“Visions that can change the world
Trapped inside an ordinary girl
She looks just like me
Too afraid to dream out loud
… And though it’s set for your idea
It won’t make sense to everybody
You need courage now
If you’re going to persevere
… To fulfill your divine purpose
You’ve gotta answer when you’re called
So don’t be afraid to face the world
Against all odds
… Keep the dream alive don’t let it die if something deep inside
Keeps inspiring you to try, don’t stop
And never give up; don’t ever give up on you
Don’t give up”
Yolanda Adams never_give_up✊🏽

What if??

Do you know what it’s like to have a song on replay for days at a time because the lyrics resonate so deep in your soul? Or trying to convince yourself that’s it’s no longer worth the pain to put yourself out there. To believe that not everyone was not meant to find someone. Mmmm well, what if they weren’t? What if I tell you that not everyone will find someone? What if I tell you that the only person you truly need is yourself and self-love is the purest and most desired? Sounds cliche I know. But really it is as simple and straight forward as that. The sad part is, only a few have truly grasped the concept of self-love. Only some find real happiness in spending quality time trying to figure out who they truly are. And not very many know what they really want or is bold enough to demand or seek it. Just think how different the world would be if women were less self-conscious and men weren’t expected to show real genuine emotions. If gender roles, stereotypes and double standards were nothing but a thing of the past. If society didn’t try to sell us on what exactly an appropriate and happy lifestyle is. Now I’m not saying we don’t need general rules like stop light and brakes. Don’t get too crazy now. I’m saying if people weren’t sold into these lies and illusions about how to live THIER lives then the world would be a much better place.

The singletons

”Be patient. It’ll come. Just you wait and see.” So they all say. Or my favorite cliché of all “you know when you know” I won’t even begin to unpack how unsettling and far off that is. Not today anyway. But I’m curious though. What if it never comes. At least not the way we expect. Let me be bias here for a second just to say I wholeheartedly believe that some people are here on this earth to be alone. Scientifically speaking, there’s not even women to men ratio for everyone to be equally matched anyways. And that’s okay. For not everyone wants to be. Believe it or not some people are happy to be single. And no, they are not always lonely. Being alone and being lonely are two different things. If you don’t believe go check your dear friend google. And here’s another shocker. Some very successful people were alone. Sir Issac Newton, Florence Nightingale, Nikola Tesla, and even our beloved Oprah just to name a few. These people are brilliant. I could name a couple more or list you all the benefits of being alone, but that’s a blog for another day. My point is don’t assume that people who are single are unhappy. Or missing out. Some may be, but the others are just fine.
Love in itself is hard to explain and impossible to quantify. Love means different things to different people. It can be experienced in so many different ways. Reading a book, listening to your favorite song, or taking a hike. Whatever it is that gets your blood pumping and stops your mind from wandering too far. Some get butterflies, some get a spark, some get indigestion. Lol. Whoops!
We place far too much emphasis on romantic situations and not nearly enough on what feeds our souls, drives our passion, and give us complete satisfaction. Yes, it’s great to have life partners, friends, families, etc. But love is not one size fits all. And I believe the universe gives us the love we need that best suits us. Some people crave family and stability because they never experienced that as a child. Some want a big family because they grew up in one and enjoyed it greatly. While others may choose to not have children for many different reasons. And that’s ok too. Whatever the path we choose love can be found in all of it. As long as we bare in mind that life is tricky. Not everything in our lives is forever. Our loved ones may die. Families can sometimes fall apart. And dreams sometimes fall short. That’s life. That’s why we must cherish every moment as if it’s our last because it very well might be. And don’t rush into things. Enjoy however long the universe allows us to have something without all the pressure and heavy expectations. Look at it with the eyes of admiration and bliss. And nothing less. And to those who just don’t know where you fit into all this just know not knowing doesn’t mean something is wrong. It means you still have time to figure it out. To search. To wonder, to question.
If beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, so can love. If you love that job then keep doing it. Love that car? Take care if it. Love having children? Long as you taking care of them it’s fine. Nobody’s business but your own. Just don’t lose focus and don’t compare. Don’t feel intimated by the pressure around you. You don’t need someone to make you happy. Or to feel complete. Because that which you think you are lacking can only be fulfilled by you. If someone does make you happy and whole it’s because you let them. You accepted whatever love they offered. And you can do the same on your own. So, to the lady that doesn’t want kids, it’s ok. To the man in no rush to settle down, that’s cool. And to the young adult who hasn’t yet figured it out, don’t worry about it. And to you, the older version of me. With the life plans ready to go, I see you. I get it. And that’s cool too. Live your life on your own terms. Love to your heart’s content. Whether it’s a dog, a motorcycle, or a food that you just can’t get enough of. No shame. Enjoy it. Embrace it. Own it. Like Ruben Studdard said “who can deny the joy it brings, when you find that special thing. You’re flying without wings”.
Take care. Love hard

Confessions of a single mom

#Him

#Abandoned but not alone

I wonder sometimes if you’re happy with your decision. To just up and leave. I wonder if you think of us. Or at least her. I wonder if you have a conscience at all or is your heart made of stone. Or you blinded by your own selfishness. Or, just too damn cruel to give a shit. I look at our daughter and she’s so much like you. How could you not want to see her after all you’ve said? Maybe they were all lies. Just empty words instead. I think of all the hard times we’ve faced. And how easier it would have been if you stuck around and did your share. But I’m not mad cause this road has taught me some important life lessons. People aren’t always what they say. Life sucks. It’s downright messy. You’re going to fall and fall so damn hard. Sometimes you’ll be down and have no clue how to get up. You’ll try and try and nothing will work. Then one day God will give you a break. You’ll find the strength you didn’t know existed. You’ll be judged, looked down upon. Isolated, feel less than. You’ll have hungry days and lonely nights. Days of the Great Depression. But you’ll also have some unexpected moments of pure bliss. Your kid will surprise you in so many ways. They will love you like you never or expected and it will all make sense. How can you leave us? That I can never answer. But that road my friend is for you alone. I’ve chosen mine and so have you. Mine is tough and yours might be too. Are you happy? No doubt you are. I am too and so is she. And that’s all that truly matters. All the rest is just life lessons and learning experiences. Maybe one day we get to meet up and talk about the different paths we walked. Until then I won’t waste another minute on what ifs.

Love not nails

Sometimes we worry more about our Christian image than we do people. We don’t want to talk to that person because they look, talk, and believe different than you. They don’t dress the same. They may cuss a little. And we act as though we will be unequally yolked if we associate with them. Let me clear something up. Jesus had to be unequally yolked to save us. Don’t you ever forget where you were when the grace found you. Not everyone that needs to hear the word will be found in the church or a bible study meeting. They will be in the club, they will be on the corner. They will cuss. They will look differently and that’s ok. Jesus died for ALL of us. And this doesn’t give us a free pass to go around condemning people and telling them what we think they ought to do and believe. We are called to love them. You let the Holy Spirit do the conviction. Pray, love, carry on.

Life of the party

Sometimes having a good heart can cause you a lot of pain. You win and you lose sometimes in vain. But the hardest battle is letting go of the ones you love. Knowing in your heart there was nothing you could do to prevent it. You’re left with dreams and memories of what was and you wonder to yourself if you are making the right decision. But then this cruel cruel world steps in with its lies, deceit, and black mail. And the wound that was healed is open again. You cry in silence because no one would understand. And the one you long for the most is already gone. All you have now is tiny body of him that you have to nourish, grow, and make sure is kept happy. I guess there’s a tiny bit of hope for everything you lose. Love isn’t always enough but sometimes it’s all you will need.

Letting go

Letting go seems to be the hardest thing for us to do and for good reasons, sometimes. I was listening to this song and the lyrics said “we slipping to edge holding on to something we don’t need. All this delusion in our heads is gonna bring us to our knees” And I thought wow! That’s so true. How many times do we hold on to what if’s? Maybes? Potential that’s not even there? We make plans with people and we become so attached to them. They become apart of us. Our hopes, our dreams, our future. Our very existence now becomes an extension of this. So when it gets shattered or even a little bit threaten we freeze. We ponder, we hope, we try, but we never let go. We hold dare to the idea, the thought, the slightest bit of anything that somehow one day we can still have that. We cling to situations and people that are no longer serving us any good. We tell ourselves that we must fight and stick it out. We search the Internet for the perfect meme, perfect song, perfect movie series that relates best to us and we use that to build up our fantasies once more. We numb our gut feelings, we ignore the signs, we close our ears to the advice of those who can see things for what they really are and we think we got it all figured out when in truth all we need to do is let go. Try something new. Make a new dream, date a new person and start a new fantasy. Letting go is definitely hard. But letting go is something we all must learn to do more often. Whether it’s a bad idea that just shouldn’t be, a toxic relationship, a bad habit or an old car. Let it go and see what comes next. I promise you the scariest part is already over as soon as you do and you will immediately feel 10 times lighter and happier. Listen to some music, clear your head, take a walk, but do it anyways! Remember that your comfort zone is not your friend. Much love!!

Check out the song: James Bay, Let it go

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsPq9mzFNGY

Crossing over

Sometimes when we go digging in someone’s past we cross lines that can’t be uncrossed and get answers to questions we weren’t ready for. It makes us question everything moving forward. Then we fall into this weird in-between of what we do with the information. It can be hard to digest and get pass. It requires strong and open communication. Feelings will be hurt, tears will be shed, but if you see it through your relationship can actually benefit from it. Just be careful because there can also be serious damage. You might find demons you weren’t prepared to tackle. And now that they are out of the closet you can’t just scoop them back in. What do you do? Decide.. you have to weigh your pros and cons. Long and short term goals. Then you have to decide if you can live with it or if it’s too much. One thing for sure, don’t give the past too much life. It’s the past because it was never working out. The present requires your attention now. Don’t dwell on what you can’t change. Rather try and cultivate a new positive future. Learn from your past, accept things for what they were and leave it there. Love goes on, people change, things get better.