Strength

Strength is such a misunderstood word. When we hear that word we think unbreakable, but to me, strength means something else. You can cry and still be strong. You can ask for help and still be strong. You can take a minute to let yourself fall apart and STILL be strong. In fact, I believe all those things are what make us stronger. Sometimes the things or the way we do things are no longer beneficial to us and it’s ok to acknowledge and change that. It’s ok to ask for help. It’s ok to not know. It’s ok to not have it all figured out. Strength comes in many forms. And doing the things that don’t necessarily seem strong in other’s eyes are the very things that make you stronger and better in your own life.

So, today if you need a little more strength look deep within and I bet you’ll realize that you are way stronger than you thought you were. Happy hump day beautiful people. Only 2 workdays to go! ✊🏽💪🏼

Peace

Good morning beautiful people. As the holiday draws closer the word anxiety seems to be the list. Anxiety from many different things such as work, travels, providing for our family, health. Etc. Whatever it is that you got you worried try not to stress. Today’s reminder to you all is to peace.

Peace to trust that everything will work out ok. Peace to know you are doing your best in whatever situation you are in and that is enough. An anxious mind and a worried heart bring nothing but frustration and chaos. So, as we set the tone in our households and at work let us first set it in our minds and our hearts by giving ourselves some much-needed peace of mind.

You can’t give what you don’t have and the people we encounter on the daily draw from our energy. Let us radiate nothing but good vibes and positive thoughts. Have a good day y’all. Be blessed and stress less.

Master reset

Time. The one thing we can’t seem to get enough of. Yet we never seem to know how to make the most of. Timing, the teaser of it all. It shows up with unexpected things like pain, regret, doubts, and a bunch of what ifs. We never seem to know if we are getting it right or not. We go with the flow as best as we can. Until the flow stops and we are forced to reconsider. To question, to try again. And Dear Ole Time seems to always be the center of it all. Our dreams and life goals are set on a time schedule of when we think we ought to accomplish them. But what when Dear Ole Time says otherwise? Do we scramble around in panic mode? Do we question our worth, our effort, and all our other accomplishments? What if the thing you wanted the most don’t show up when you expected it to? Did Dear Ole Mister Time rob you once more?

The answer is no! Things rarely go accordingly to plan. Life is tricky and it’s constantly changing. As players in this game adaptability will be our greatest friend. We have to learn to let go and stop getting stuck on how we believe things ought to be. We are no master of time, that is not our job. We can set dreams, make goals, and work towards them. But never ever get bent out of shape if they start to change. If the timing is haywire then just try to keep up. Don’t question all you’ve done. You worked extremely hard to get where you are and that was no easy feat. The timing of it all doesn’t seem to pan out accordingly, but that doesn’t mean you have to call it off entirely. Sometimes we just need to take a minute to reset, reevaluate, and reflect on what is to come. Because sometimes Mister Timing has something far more exciting waiting for you. ❤️

What if??

Do you know what it’s like to have a song on replay for days at a time because the lyrics resonate so deep in your soul? Or trying to convince yourself that’s it’s no longer worth the pain to put yourself out there. To believe that not everyone was not meant to find someone. Mmmm well, what if they weren’t? What if I tell you that not everyone will find someone? What if I tell you that the only person you truly need is yourself and self-love is the purest and most desired? Sounds cliche I know. But really it is as simple and straight forward as that. The sad part is, only a few have truly grasped the concept of self-love. Only some find real happiness in spending quality time trying to figure out who they truly are. And not very many know what they really want or is bold enough to demand or seek it. Just think how different the world would be if women were less self-conscious and men weren’t expected to show real genuine emotions. If gender roles, stereotypes and double standards were nothing but a thing of the past. If society didn’t try to sell us on what exactly an appropriate and happy lifestyle is. Now I’m not saying we don’t need general rules like stop light and brakes. Don’t get too crazy now. I’m saying if people weren’t sold into these lies and illusions about how to live THIER lives then the world would be a much better place.

The singletons

”Be patient. It’ll come. Just you wait and see.” So they all say. Or my favorite cliché of all “you know when you know” I won’t even begin to unpack how unsettling and far off that is. Not today anyway. But I’m curious though. What if it never comes. At least not the way we expect. Let me be bias here for a second just to say I wholeheartedly believe that some people are here on this earth to be alone. Scientifically speaking, there’s not even women to men ratio for everyone to be equally matched anyways. And that’s okay. For not everyone wants to be. Believe it or not some people are happy to be single. And no, they are not always lonely. Being alone and being lonely are two different things. If you don’t believe go check your dear friend google. And here’s another shocker. Some very successful people were alone. Sir Issac Newton, Florence Nightingale, Nikola Tesla, and even our beloved Oprah just to name a few. These people are brilliant. I could name a couple more or list you all the benefits of being alone, but that’s a blog for another day. My point is don’t assume that people who are single are unhappy. Or missing out. Some may be, but the others are just fine.
Love in itself is hard to explain and impossible to quantify. Love means different things to different people. It can be experienced in so many different ways. Reading a book, listening to your favorite song, or taking a hike. Whatever it is that gets your blood pumping and stops your mind from wandering too far. Some get butterflies, some get a spark, some get indigestion. Lol. Whoops!
We place far too much emphasis on romantic situations and not nearly enough on what feeds our souls, drives our passion, and give us complete satisfaction. Yes, it’s great to have life partners, friends, families, etc. But love is not one size fits all. And I believe the universe gives us the love we need that best suits us. Some people crave family and stability because they never experienced that as a child. Some want a big family because they grew up in one and enjoyed it greatly. While others may choose to not have children for many different reasons. And that’s ok too. Whatever the path we choose love can be found in all of it. As long as we bare in mind that life is tricky. Not everything in our lives is forever. Our loved ones may die. Families can sometimes fall apart. And dreams sometimes fall short. That’s life. That’s why we must cherish every moment as if it’s our last because it very well might be. And don’t rush into things. Enjoy however long the universe allows us to have something without all the pressure and heavy expectations. Look at it with the eyes of admiration and bliss. And nothing less. And to those who just don’t know where you fit into all this just know not knowing doesn’t mean something is wrong. It means you still have time to figure it out. To search. To wonder, to question.
If beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, so can love. If you love that job then keep doing it. Love that car? Take care if it. Love having children? Long as you taking care of them it’s fine. Nobody’s business but your own. Just don’t lose focus and don’t compare. Don’t feel intimated by the pressure around you. You don’t need someone to make you happy. Or to feel complete. Because that which you think you are lacking can only be fulfilled by you. If someone does make you happy and whole it’s because you let them. You accepted whatever love they offered. And you can do the same on your own. So, to the lady that doesn’t want kids, it’s ok. To the man in no rush to settle down, that’s cool. And to the young adult who hasn’t yet figured it out, don’t worry about it. And to you, the older version of me. With the life plans ready to go, I see you. I get it. And that’s cool too. Live your life on your own terms. Love to your heart’s content. Whether it’s a dog, a motorcycle, or a food that you just can’t get enough of. No shame. Enjoy it. Embrace it. Own it. Like Ruben Studdard said “who can deny the joy it brings, when you find that special thing. You’re flying without wings”.
Take care. Love hard

Confessions of a single mom

#Him

#Abandoned but not alone

I wonder sometimes if you’re happy with your decision. To just up and leave. I wonder if you think of us. Or at least her. I wonder if you have a conscience at all or is your heart made of stone. Or you blinded by your own selfishness. Or, just too damn cruel to give a shit. I look at our daughter and she’s so much like you. How could you not want to see her after all you’ve said? Maybe they were all lies. Just empty words instead. I think of all the hard times we’ve faced. And how easier it would have been if you stuck around and did your share. But I’m not mad cause this road has taught me some important life lessons. People aren’t always what they say. Life sucks. It’s downright messy. You’re going to fall and fall so damn hard. Sometimes you’ll be down and have no clue how to get up. You’ll try and try and nothing will work. Then one day God will give you a break. You’ll find the strength you didn’t know existed. You’ll be judged, looked down upon. Isolated, feel less than. You’ll have hungry days and lonely nights. Days of the Great Depression. But you’ll also have some unexpected moments of pure bliss. Your kid will surprise you in so many ways. They will love you like you never or expected and it will all make sense. How can you leave us? That I can never answer. But that road my friend is for you alone. I’ve chosen mine and so have you. Mine is tough and yours might be too. Are you happy? No doubt you are. I am too and so is she. And that’s all that truly matters. All the rest is just life lessons and learning experiences. Maybe one day we get to meet up and talk about the different paths we walked. Until then I won’t waste another minute on what ifs.

What now?!

That relationship you thought would last is now over. That career you worked so hard for, not as rewarding as you’d hoped. That child you’ve been praying for still haven’t shown up. You’re all prayed out and the bills keep piling. No more tears, but they still keep flowing. You worry and you pray, but nothing hasn’t changed. Is this the end? Where do you go? What do you do? What now? Now that it’s all collapsed. Now that your biggest fear is your reality. I don’t have the answers, but there’s one thing I can guarantee you. Take a deep breathe and know it’ll be ok. You’ll be ok. Doesn’t seem like it now, but I PROMISE you that nasty storm will pass. Will it be quick? Probably not. It can rage on for years. It will get brutal, to say the least. If you think you’re done yet just you wait. And I know, I know… I’m not supposed to be saying this. You’re not here for this. But let you tell you something, sweetheart. Someone got to tell you. I wish I had known that earlier myself. I would have had strength, courage, and way more hope in my stormy time. But listen, the fact that you’re here reading this far means you’ve still got some fight left inside of you. It’s not over yet. It’s not too late. You’re still fighting. You still got hope, courage, strength. All the things you’ll need to keep on going. And that right there is what will determine what you’ll make of this. I can tell you all the stuff you want to hear. Things you’re searching for. But the truth is none of that will prepare you for what is to come. You don’t get strong by hearing fluffy words. And fighting with pillows. You get strong by being knocked out, beat on, forgotten, but still have enough in you to get back up and keep trying. You better toughen up and wipe your nose. Cry, kick, scream, but GET UP!! Yes, life took a turn for the worse. You did not see it coming, but it’s okay. You got this. You’ll win, you will see it through my friend. Now what? I’ll tell you. Now you fight. Fight hard. Now you change, now you try. Now you do! There is a song I like to listen called “conqueror” and the lyrics in it that I cling to says:

Got a vision that no one else sees
Lot of dirty work, roll up your sleeves
Remember there’s a war out there
So come prepared to fight!

Let those words season in your spirit and you start fighting! Chin up! You’ll be alright.

Truth or lie

Normally I have a thirst to unveil the truth. Because I always feel there’s more to a story and if you get to the root of where it all started then it’s possible to fix what was broken. However, I’ve realized that not all truths need to be uncovered. Somethings are better left buried. Sometimes people have to die with their demons. It’s the only way to protect the innocent. The guilty will be punished and the wages of that is death. Now, that death comes in many different ways. Your finances, your relationships, your hopes and dreams, and sometimes your inner most sincere wish. There’s always a price to pay for the things we do, ALWAYS. And sometimes when the load gets heavy and we feel burdened we go in search of help. We prey on the innocent for comfort, warmth, compassion, love, and peace. All the things our guilty hearts and minds crave and lack. We latch on and we suck. We try to fill that void. And for a minute it will work. But soon or later the facade will fall and your truth will be revealed. And your punishment… begins. It’s quick and swift. It’s harsh. It hits hard. It’s unexpected and sudden. Your guard was down so now you’re bleeding and you don’t know how to make it stop. You’ve never bled before. Cause you’ve always been dead on the inside.. until now. And that pain is also new. You’re lost, confused, and your hope. Your safe haven, vanished. What will you do now? Find another victim? Or, finally face your truth? Your destiny? How long must you run? Where will you go? There’s no one to save you. And now. You’re in a corner. Forced to choose, the truth, or another lie…??? You decide… karma is watching. Your fate is in your own hands. Choose wisely!

You see 20 I see a miracle

It might seem like an ordinary $20 bill to you, but really, this is the hand of God! Let’s explore the story behind the magic 20!

Struggling single mom at rock bottom. Just started working. No paycheck yet. Daycare bill due, babysitter needs to be paid. Baby needs diapers and wipes! Child support came in but only to get taken out because of overdrawn account. Why is there babysitter and a daycare? Because this mom needs to work two jobs to try and catch up. With mom in training and no cash coming in. The car she gets to borrow suddenly needs gas. With a very important doctor’s appointment early in the morning,, the car is on yellow. Oops, the gas light is on. What will she do? A trusted friend, one she says nothing to called her aside as they hand the keys over to her. “Here you will need money for gas”. So shocked by the gesture she whispered a prayer. How did they know? Was it all a big guess or was God in the middle of this very awful test? Now, mom can bring the child to the doctor’s appointment and make it work until Friday ( first payday). To God be the glory, great things he hath done.

The stigma behind single parents is often so subtle. We turn our eye on the single mom of three in the store swiping her ent card ( food stamp). We don’t know her story, but we still start to judge. Or what about the one outside having a cigarette? How dare her smoke when her kids need a coke… But little do we know she’s been trying so hard, and so many doors keep closing on her. That cigarette she’s smoking is the one last straw between keeping it together and losing her sanity. Everyone has unhealthy coping mechanisms, but why is it so easy to judge the ones that are already at the bottom? And why should you care? You didn’t get her pregnant. She should have known to get married and choose someone more suitable. Because people never change and marriage is such a guarantee that everything will be peachy fine. The truth is we don’t know her story and never stopped to listen. And I can bet you she doesn’t need your pity only your respect and sometimes a little help. Children are the future and if your child so instead of judging their parents, give a helping hand if possible. It’s the little things we do that make this world a better place. You don’t have to pay their rent or buy them a car to be of huge help to someone. The smallest of gestures often lead to the biggest impacts in our lives.

Suicidal note..

“If you are feeling suicidal please reach out for help” the biggest lie we ever say. People who are suicidal are not going to reach out for help. They’ve reached out countless times before they got to that part. But this cruel cruel world just turns their backs. The love they give and people they’ve helped are nowhere to be found when they need it in return. “Check on your strong friends” we quote so cleverly. But are we actually doing it? Can you tell if your friend is acting off? Do you follow your intuition as they do theirs when to come to your rescue? Suicidal thoughts are fast and strong. Your emotions are numb and your heart has already stopped beating. There’s nothing but overwhelming pain that you want to end. It doesn’t matter how or by whom. You would pay someone to do it if you could. How can you reach out when you don’t want to talk? When you can’t find the words to express the million fake questions that will be thrown at you. And why bother explaining when they won’t even understand. Sometimes death seems so much better than being hurt over and over till you have no more ache to ache.

Mental health is a crucial part of what makes us whole. And often times so many of us take it for granted, but for some, we aren’t so lucky. We struggle on the daily. We try really hard, but it just never seems like it’s enough. More and more we hear about celebrities who just couldn’t go on any further and we think for a little bit “maybe this is really bad”. But.. instead of doing another hashtag how about making an active difference to do some reading. To call or visit a friend, to take the time to really check in on someone. Sometimes that can make all the difference. And for those who are suffering, I feel you. I’ve been you. I love you, and I care! You are amazing, wonderful, and your life is worthy!!!